Durst writes: "We've already been treated to the golden-plated spectacle of the Grammies, BAFTAs, Golden Globes, People's Choice Awards, Machine Tool Diamond Awards, Screen Actor Guild Awards and what with the Emmys, Oscars and CMAs right around the corner, this might be the perfect opportunity to weigh in with the most consequential of them all: the 2012 Political Animal Awards."
Political satirist Will Durst. (photo: WillDurst.com)
The 2012 Political Animal Awards
19 February 12
on't mean to overreact and risk boosting everybody's blood pressure higher than opening offers on Facebook's upcoming IPO, but this might be a halfway decent time to seek out a nice safe steel bunker to hunker down in or behind, because it's awards season and heavy metal statuettes are being tossed around like dimes at a county fair. Like the flurry of resumes from the outer office of Michele Bachmann's inner circle. As plentiful as the doubts currently circling Mitt Romney's Super PAC. We've already been treated to the golden plated spectacle of the Grammies, BAFTAs, Golden Globes, People's Choice Awards, Machine Tool Diamond Awards, Screen Actor Guild Awards and what with the Emmys, Oscars and CMAs right around the corner, this might be the perfect opportunity to weigh in with the most consequential of them all: the 2012 Political Animal Awards. Note: No tuxes have been bruised in the creation of these awards.
BEST COSTUME: Rick Santorum for that winning period look- subtly harkening back to a young Mr. Rogers with rabies.
BAD TIMING AWARD: Tim Pawlenty, for deserting the Presidential line-up before getting his own shot at leading the pack. Runner-Up. Mitch Daniels.
UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT AWARD: Herman Cain, for continuing to blame the media for finding his fan full of feces.
THE DUMBER THAN HE ALREADY LOOKS AWARD: In an extremely competitive field, Rick Perry.
THE NOT AS DUMB AS HIS HAIR LOOKS AWARD: For the 6th consecutive year, Donald Trump.
THE CLAUDE RAINES INVISIBLE MAN AWARD: George W Bush.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: In a thankless role, Calista Gingrich.
THE WE CAN'T FIND A MUZZLE BIG ENOUGH AWARD: Joe Biden. May have to retire this award in his name.
BEST SCORE: Whoever bought Apple at 8.
THE WHY WON'T ANYONE RETURN MY CALLS AWARD: DEMOCRATIC DIVISION: John Edwards. John Kerry. Anthony Weiner.
THE WHY WON'T ANYONE RETURN MY CALLS AWARD: REPUBLICAN DIVISION: Dick Cheney. Pat Robertson. Glenn Beck.
BEST SPECIAL EFFECTS: Industrial Light & Magic for making Mitt Romney appear so lifelike.
BEST MAKE UP: Newt Gingrich for his very convincing Walking Dead grimace.
BEST CHOREOGRAPHY: Grover Norquist.
THE "OH MY GOD, NOT YOU AGAIN" AWARD: Whoever decided contraception made for a good election year wedge issue.
BEST BOY: Marcus Bachmann.
BEST ANIMATION: Chris Christie.
THE OTHER MORMON MEAT AWARD: Jon Huntsman.
BEST NEWCOMER: Paul Ryan for his highly controversial script, "Roadmap for America's Future."
THE LUCKY IT WASN'T BITTEN OFF AWARD: Arizona Governor Jan Brewer.
MENSA'S SMARTEST MOVE OF THE YEAR: In a huge upset, Sarah Palin picks this one up for refusing to accept another supporting role.
THE HOW CAN WE MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY AWARD: Ron Paul.
BEST ENSEMBLE IN A MUSICAL OR COMEDY: The entire Republican Party Presidential Nomination cast.
BEST ACTOR: Body of work award goes to Speaker of the House John Boehner for various portrayals as outraged defender of fiscal responsibility, obstinate party stalwart and sophisticated gentleman to whom gracious cooperation is of the highest priority and doing it all while orange.
BEST DIRECTION: The Koch Brothers.
MISDIRECTION AWARD: Newt Gingrich for his moon base proposal. Always knew his full ambitions could never be contained by Planet Earth.
COMEBACK OF THE YEAR AWARD: The US economy.
THE BETTER TO BE LUCKY THAN GOOD AWARD: Barack Obama.
The New York Times says Emmy-nominated comedian and writer Will Durst "is quite possibly the best political satirist working in the country today." Check out the website: Redroom.com to buy his book or find out more about upcoming stand- up performances. Or willdurst.com.
Every Tuesday. Elect to Laugh! at the Marsh. 1062 Valencia. San Francisco. 94110. 415.826.5750 themarsh.org
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Comments
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Dissing RP and grouping him with all the other cronies is a deliberate smear tacit - which is the stock and trade of the corporate media.
New York Times says: check
Whatever his other shortcomings may be, Ron Paul DID say we should not do to others nations what we would not want them to do to us... and was roundly booed.
http://www.maxsound.com/trendingnews/south-carolina-republicans-boo-the-golden-rule/
yawn...
and I don't hate Ron Paul. If he wasn't friendly with the John Birch Society, I'd vote for him here in Massachusetts. But I have other 3rd party candidates I can vote for.
Ron Paul is a staunch believer in one principle that I do agree with him: The Anitwar sentiment. All of his other belief is just the old boys
----.
While this is not an original statement (I saw a version of it on baseball hat ) I would still like to say my version:
"The man voting for GOP is the chicken voting for KFC."
Pretty nice "award" for someone that lies about war (domestic and international) - and drops 22,000 bombs on Libya and uses Al Qaeda as the ground force.
The problem with ron paul is that he'll only serve to discredit the idea of peace. If you want to get serious about ending the wars for profit, vote for a serious candidate. The only sane candidate running who's for dropping all the wars is ROCKY ANDERSON.
There's no longer any valid or honest excuse to vote for paul, just for his "peace agenda".
Based on his religious adherence to his purportedly libertarian principles, Ron Paul opposed the 1964 Civil Rights Act. In a 2004 floor speech about the Civil Rights Act, he voted against a House resolution honoring the 40th anniversary of the law.
The sponsor of a bill to overturn Roe v. Wade, Ron Paul's libertarianism does not apply to women, though it does apply to zygotes. His is a no-exceptions anti-abortion position, essentially empowering a rapist to sire a child with a woman of his choosing.
Earlier this year, in an appearance on "Fox News Sunday," Paul declared both Social Security and Medicare to be unconstitutiona l, essentially saying they should be abolished for the great evil that they are - just like slavery.
Excerpted from: http://readersupportednews.org/opinion2/277-75/7195-adele-m-stan-alternet
SS and Medicare are big problems for younger people. 10,000 Baby Boomers are applying for benefits everyday - they are going to either bankrupt the system (which is already in the red and the boomers are just getting started) or require younger workers to pay an even larger amount of taxes - which is not possible or right, younger people are already looking at future of diminishing returns.
But, in spite of the economic reality facing us, Dr. Paul has said that ending the wars, closing military bases in 190 countries, and bringing our troops home will allow us to pay benefits to SS and Medicare beneficiaries that are dependent on them. Maintaining the war empire will bankrupt this country, in addition to the moral corruption from killing a million or more civilians - babies, women included, and destroying the survivor's futures.
Contrast this with all the bloodthirsty tyrants wanting more war and death - they can't kill enough to satisfy their evil lust - and that includes the bloodthirsty fraud Obama and the rest of the bloodthirsty fraud Repubs.
Doesn't Boehner as BEST ACTOR doing it with an orange - work better?
In 1861, the U$A became a 'Failed State' when CONgre$$ failed to convene and the president appointed himself Caesar with unlimited powers he called Executive Orders (not in the constitution). The U$A, in fact, defaulted BACK to the grandfathered Articles of Confederation - but Lincoln then enslaved EVERY STATE under martial law via General Orders 100 on 24 April 1863. Grant and Co followed-on by imposing the the unratified 14th Amendment - floundering and going from wrong (and wronger) to wrongest ever since. VOID AB INITIO!
Where is the Federal (NOT!) Reserve (NONE!) Bank(ster Ponzinomic) System authorised by either 'founding document'?
The time to revert and expunge the bureaucracy plus the UNREPAYABLE debt has arrived.
The best answer is?
Ron Paul.
--i
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OW6mwMYhSPs&feature=player_embedded
For America's sake, support Ron Paul.
Go ahead and give me a zillion "minus" points. It won't change my attitude one whit. Yeah, Rocky Anderson is probably a great guy and I may very well end up voting for him, as I did vote for Cynthia McKinney in 2008.
Oh, and by the way, tarring someone with an ad hominem attack that they are aligned with the John Birch Society doesn't affect me either. The Birchers are also longtime opponents of any kind of centralized authoritarian control, which is the real enemy.
"The John Birch Society doesn't
affect me".
The Birchers I met were also deeply concerned about the patenting of genes by large corporations and the reduction in varieties of crop plants, with attendant monopolization of cultivars by large corporations. Sound familiar? Despicable?
One Bircher was on our local school board for many years, serving well and faithfully, and known to be one of the most generous philanthropists in our impoverished community. Still despicable?
I hope that some of the kinds of Birchers I have met do affect me and will continue to do so.
I'd like to see a lot more people become aware of the negative consequences of centralized authoritarian political power and be motivated to organize in opposition to it. I just stated that I found out the real Birchers didn't have horns or spear points on their tails the way that some progressives think. In fact, they were saying much of the same things that I was hearing at our local Democratic Party club meetings.
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